Where Are You Hiding Behind Perfectionism?
Sometimes the crab walk of shame is actually your superpower in disguise
This Week’s Courage Newsletter
"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." — Anna Quindlen
Why our flaws might be the most powerful connection points we have
This Week's Scare Your Soul Challenge: The Perfectly Imperfect Connection
Bottom line: Sometimes the crab walk of shame is actually your superpower in disguise
Dear Courageous Souls (and Reluctant Perfectionists),
It was 1 minute and 50 seconds into my TEDx talk when my brain began to melt.
After months of preparation with my co-presenter, and dozens of real-time run-throughs, I had just realized something quite distressing.
The clicker for the Jumbotron-sized PowerPoint screen behind me was not in my hand.
It was backstage. In the hands of the stage manager. Who must have been almost as distraught as I was.
Almost.
My only solution was to slink backwards, crab walking off of that famous red dot, as my partner began to speak. Picture it: me, dressed to the nines and in front of hundreds, doing what can only be described as "the nervous crab walk of shame under a spotlight."
I shared this story with my friend Jamie Woolf – the former director of culture at Pixar for two decades – and she told me a very similar tale…
In her TEDx talk just a few weeks ago – after months of painstaking preparation – she flubbed the first line.
The FIRST LINE!
"Oh shit!" she whispered in the mic.
Two TEDx stages. Two professionals. Two moments of total panic. Two moments of sincere imperfection.
The response to both of our mortifying flubs?
Deeper connection with our audiences.
After my talk, an executive approached me saying, "When you had to edge off the stage, I immediately felt I could relate to you. It was like watching a high-stakes version of that dream where you show up to work without pants."
Someone told Jamie, "That moment when you paused made your message so human. I was rooting for you!"
What should have been our most cringeworthy professional moments instead became our most powerful points of connection.
This week, Jamie and I published an article in Fast Company about this very phenomenon – how vulnerability and imperfection can be leadership superpowers in professional settings.
But I've been thinking about how this applies even more powerfully in our personal lives.
We spend so much energy curating perfect images.
The flawless vacation photos.
The carefully edited social media posts.
The "I've got it all together" persona we present at family gatherings or social events.
But what if our deepest connections – the ones we're actually longing for – are waiting on the other side of our imperfections?
Think about it: When was the last time you felt truly seen and accepted? I'm betting it wasn't when you were putting on your most polished performance.
It was probably when you allowed someone to see your mess – your doubts, fears, quirks, or struggles.
So where in your life might you be hiding behind perfectionism?
Where are you exhausting yourself maintaining an image that might actually be preventing the very connections you want?
Maybe it's admitting to your partner that you're struggling with something you "should" have figured out by now.
Perhaps it's telling your kids about a downright stupid mistake you made.
The truth is this: Your imperfections aren't liabilities – they're connection points.
The very things you work hardest to hide might be precisely what others need to see to feel less alone in their own humanity.
This Week's Scare Your Soul Challenge: The Perfectly Imperfect Connection
1. Identify one relationship where you've been maintaining a "polished performance" that might be blocking deeper connection
2. Choose a small moment to share something authentic that feels a bit vulnerable – not your deepest trauma, but a genuine truth (a struggle you're facing, a mistake you've made, an insecurity you carry)
3. Notice three things:
- How it feels to share (the before, during, and after)
- How the other person responds
- What happens to the quality of your connection
4. Reflect: Did the vulnerability create the disaster you feared, or did it open a door to something deeper?
Remember, courage isn't about being fearless – it's about feeling the fear of being truly seen and choosing authenticity anyway.
As Jamie and I discovered on our respective TEDx stages, sometimes our most mortifying moments of imperfection become our most powerful points of connection.
The crab walk of shame might just be your superpower in disguise.
With courage, vulnerability, and a healthy appreciation for human awkwardness,
By the way … even more of you took our Scare Your Soul courage quiz last week - THANK YOU! You're part of an incredible group that's helping us understand the collective courage journey.
If you haven't taken it yet, just click below!
Some Of My Favorite Past Challenges
What Your 95-Year-Old Self is Telling You - DEC 7, 2023
Letting Go - Finding the Beauty in Saying Goodbye - AUG 23, 2023
Complaints, Be Gone! Finding Freedom in the No-Whine Zone - JUL 13, 2023
Unleashing the Magic of Unexpected Kindness - JAN 11, 2025
Fear is not the enemy - So, what is? - JUN 1, 2023
Soaring to New Heights + How Our Dreams Can Lead the Way - FEB 8, 2023
The Storm is Almost Over - OCT 19, 2023