The Great Relationship Reset: A Tale of Two Coffees
How one day can teach us the secret to relationship courage
This Week’s Courage Newsletter
"Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for your future self is decide who doesn't belong there." - Cheryl Strayed
Why some conversations leave you ready to conquer the world while others make you want to crawl under the covers
Scare Your Soul Challenge: The Champion & Boundary Double-Play (because your energy deserves better)
Bottom line: Your life expands or contracts to the size of your relationship choices
Dear Courageous Souls (and Fellow Relationship Navigators),
Have you ever noticed how some people make you feel like you could climb Mount Everest in flip-flops, while others leave you wondering if you can manage to climb out of bed?
Last month, I experienced both extremes in a single day, and it changed everything.
Picture this: noontime coffee with Maria, my former Positive Psychology teacher and coach of a TEDx Talk I gave a decade years ago.
Her eyes sparkle as she asks about my dreams, challenges my limiting beliefs, and somehow makes me believe I could solve world peace before dinner. (Spoiler alert: I haven't... yet.)
Then, after dinner drinks with an old friend who has mastered the art of what we call in Yiddish "kvetching" - complaining with Olympic-level dedication.
By the time we were done, I wasn't just tired; I was questioning every life choice I'd made since kindergarten.
The contrast hit me like a double shot of espresso: We obsess about our diet, our exercise, our screen time... but what about our relationship nutrition?
Here's what brain science tells us: Social connections literally reshape our neural pathways.
Positive interactions flood our brains with oxytocin and dopamine, while negative ones trigger cortisol spikes that can last for hours.
In other words, your relationships aren't just part of your life - they're actively sculpting your future self.
This Week's Scare Your Soul Challenge: The Champion & Boundary Double-Play
Look, I know what you're thinking: "Scott, relationships are complicated. We can't just flip a switch."
And you're right.
But here's what I've learned: Small, intentional actions create massive shifts over time.
Like compound interest for your soul.
So this week, we're going to do something both heartwarming and heart-racing. We're going to amplify one relationship while gracefully setting limits on another.
Ready?
Part 1: The Champion Celebration
Identify someone who consistently makes you feel:
More capable
More inspired
More like your best self
Reach out to them this week (bonus points for actual paper and pen)
Tell them specifically how they've impacted your life
Make a concrete plan to spend more time with them
Part 2: The Boundary Blueprint
Now, identify someone who consistently:
Drains your energy
Undermines your confidence
Makes you feel smaller
Create your "When/Then" rule: "When they [specific behavior], I will [specific response]" Examples:
"When they start criticizing my choices, I'll say 'I'm comfortable with my decision' and change the subject"
"When they push past my 'no,' I'll restate it and end the conversation"
Write it down
Stick to it (this is the scary part!)
Remember: This isn't about being mean - it's about being intentional.
Think of it as relationship budgeting: invest heavily in high-return connections, and set healthy limits on the ones that drain your emotional bank account.
Your future self will thank you. (And they'll have more energy to do the thanking.)
With courage, clarity, and better boundaries,
P.S. Have you ever noticed how setting one healthy boundary makes it easier to set the next one? Share your boundary-setting victories (or struggles) in the comments. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear!