Comfort is a Liar!
What Lobsters Know About Growth That Most Humans Forget
This Week’s Courage Newsletter
"You cannot appease hunger by simply reading the menu." - Chinese Proverb
Why discomfort might be your greatest ally in personal growth
This Week's Scare Your Soul Challenge: Embrace Your Growing Pains
Bottom line: Sometimes you need to shed your shell to become who you're meant to be
Dear Courageous Souls,
Comfort is a liar.
It promises safety, happiness, and peace – but delivers stagnation, emptiness, and restlessness instead.
I've been reflecting on this truth lately, particularly through the lens of a powerful story shared by Abraham Twerski in what became his most-watched video (with over 80 million views).
In it, Twerski – a psychiatrist – explains that lobsters are soft creatures living inside rigid shells. As they grow, their shells don't expand with them. The increasing pressure becomes uncomfortable, even painful. So what does the lobster do? It retreats under a rock, sheds its shell, and grows a new one.
"The stimulus for the lobster to be able to grow," Twerski points out, "is feeling uncomfortable."
Then comes his devastating observation:
"If lobsters had doctors, they would be given a Valium or Percocet and never grow."
Think about that for a moment.
How many of us medicate our own discomfort – not with pills necessarily, but with distractions, excuses, and the path of least resistance?
How often do we interpret the pressure of outgrowing our current "shell" not as a signal for growth, but as something to avoid?
This isn't just spiritual wisdom.
It's backed by research.
Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, one of the world's leading happiness researchers, has consistently found that once our basic needs are met, additional comfort (whether through wealth, convenience, or luxury) contributes surprisingly little to our happiness.
As she writes, "We often spend money on things we think will make us happy—a bigger house, fancier car—only to find that the joy is fleeting."
Real growth – and with it, genuine fulfillment – comes not from eliminating discomfort but from moving through it with purpose.
I saw this play out in my own life recently. For months, I'd been comfortable in my established speaking topics and formats. Then came an invitation to try something completely different – a talk that would require me to be more vulnerable than ever before.
My first instinct? Retreat to the safety of what I knew.
But that uncomfortable pressure was my signal – my shell had become too small for who I was becoming.
So I stepped into the discomfort. I prepared differently. I showed up differently.
And the result was one of the most meaningful connections I've ever created with an audience.
This Week's Scare Your Soul Challenge: Embrace Your Growth
The path to who we're meant to become rarely runs through comfortable terrain. It winds through the forest of uncertainty, climbs the mountains of challenge, and traverses the valleys of vulnerability.
This week, I invite you to consider: Where are you feeling the pressure of outgrowing your current shell? What discomfort might actually be signaling your next evolution?
Identify an area of your life where you feel uncomfortable pressure – where your current "shell" feels too confining
Ask yourself: What growth might this discomfort be inviting?
Take one small action to shed your too-small shell and step into expansion
Notice how it feels to choose growth over comfort
You're Invited: Courage × Connection
We are living in a time where real connection feels harder to come by. Whether it's with friends, family, or romantic partners — so many of us are craving deeper, more authentic relationships.
That's why my dear friend Heidi Eisman Goldstein (the author of Love Lessons: 104 Dates and the Stories That Led Me to True Love) and I are co-leading a live, interactive experience designed to help you build the COURAGE to CONNECT — with others, with yourself, and with the life you truly want.
COURAGE × CONNECTION
June 3 | 6–7:30 PM ET
Zoom | $25
Sign up here: couragexconnection.eventbrite.com
Special bonus: The first 20 people to sign up will receive signed copies of BOTH of our books — Scare Your Soul + Love Lessons!
With courage, curiosity, and a healthy skepticism toward comfort's sweet nothings,
P.S. I'd love to hear about your shell-shedding experiences. What uncomfortable growth are you embracing? Email me at scott@scareyoursoul.com with the subject "Outgrowing My Shell" and I'll share insights in next week's newsletter.
By the way … even more of you took our Scare Your Soul courage quiz last week - THANK YOU! You're part of an incredible group that's helping us understand the collective courage journey.
If you haven't taken it yet, just click below!