A New Way of Thinking That Might Just Change Your Life
Are you in the GAP? Or are you in the GAIN?
“The only true measure of success is the ratio between what we might have been and what we have become." - William James
Hey there, brave souls!
So, you're standing at the edge of a cliff, heart pounding, palms sweaty.
You've just completed a terrifying bungee jump - something you never thought you'd do.
But instead of feeling elated, you're... disappointed?
"I should have screamed less," you think. "I bet real adrenaline junkies don't even flinch."
Or maybe you've just given a presentation to your company - a career milestone you've been working towards for years.
Instead of basking in your achievement, you're nitpicking your performance. "I stumbled over that one slide. A real leader would have been smoother.”
Or perhaps you've finally finished that non-fiction book that's been sitting on your nightstand for months.
Instead of feeling proud, you're thinking, "It took me way too long. A truly intellectual person would have breezed through it."
Sound familiar?
If so, you're not alone.
You've just fallen into what Dan Sullivan calls "The Gap" - that sneaky space between our achievements and our ideals where happiness goes to die.
For years, I found myself stuck in this Gap.
No matter how far I'd come from that shy kid eating lunch alone in the bathroom stall, I always felt I should be braver, more successful, more... everything.
It wasn't until I discovered the concept of "The Gap and The Gain" that I realized I was measuring my progress all wrong.
Let's break it down.
Research in positive psychology shows that our brains have a negativity bias - we're wired to focus on what's wrong or lacking rather than what's going well. This made sense for our ancestors (better to remember where the predators are than where the best berries grow), but it doesn't serve us well in measuring our personal growth.
By consciously shifting our focus to our "gains" - the progress we've made from where we started - we tap into what psychologists call the "progress principle."
Yes, when we start to measure our accomplishments from where we started - and not against some ideal-mirage in the future - we get MORE motivated and gain MORE confidence.
Simple, but powerful!
This Week's Scare Your Soul Challenge: Measure Your “Gains”
1. Choose one area of your life where you've been trying to be more courageous. Maybe it's public speaking, asking for a raise, or even just being more vulnerable with friends.
2. Write down where you were when you started this journey. Be specific about your fears and limitations at that time.
3. Now, list at least 5 "gains" you've made since then. These can be big wins or small steps - every bit of progress counts!
4. Reflect on how these gains make you feel. Allow yourself to really appreciate your growth.
Remember, brave souls, courage isn't about fearlessness - it's about taking action despite your fears. And every time you do that, no matter how small it might seem, you're making a gain.
With love, courage, and a newfound appreciation for looking backward,
A New Section: What I’ve Been Up To
After weeks of jet-setting and speaking engagements that left my frequent flyer miles soaring and my voice a bit hoarse, I finally got to indulge in some much-needed R&R right here in my own backyard.
And let me tell you, last Saturday was the epitome of a perfect day off.
The morning kicked off with a Rising Star coffee shared with the incredibly talented Cliff Goldmacher.
Now, if you haven't heard of Cliff, prepare to be amazed. This guy's not just a music producer - he's a maestro who's been orchestrating hits, winning a Grammy and nurturing talent for decades.
But here's where it gets really interesting: Cliff's taken his musical magic and transported it into the world of corporate team-building and personal development.
Over our Americanos, Cliff regaled me with stories of how he's using the power of music to break down barriers and build connections across the country. It's like he's found the universal language that bridges the gap between the creative and corporate worlds.
Our coffee chat left me buzzing with ideas about how to incorporate more creative elements into my own workshops. Who knows?
Maybe you'll see me busting out a ukulele at my next speaking engagement! (Just kidding... or am I?)
The rest of the day was a blissful blur of simple pleasures - a long walk with my girlfriend Dana and our dog Juni and ending with a home-cooked meal.
It was a powerful reminder that sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is simply pause, breathe, and recharge.
How about you, brave souls? How do you find balance between pushing your comfort zones and taking time to recharge? I'd love to hear your strategies in the comments below!